Raven's Story - In Loving Memory
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| My beautiful Raven - I miss you so much! |
It's been two and a half weeks and then pain is just as deep as the day she died. Not a minute goes by that I don't miss her. I still wake up crying because she is not there and the same applies for when I am finally worn out enough to sleep. It's much harder when you feel it could have/should have been prevented. Part of me is mad at the vet. Perhaps he didn't realize the potential for kidney failure from the meloxicam, but in my opinion, he should have at least recognized the signs of renal failure. I would think that her wetting the bed and excessive thirst would have been big ones, but I am not a vet, so I don't know. I still feel a lot of guilt.
In order to start Raven's story, I have to back up to a time where I was devastated by another premature death. Going back to March of 2005 I was getting ready to leave my entire life in one city to move to another. At the time I had Trixie, he was 8, (male cat with a female name - long story short, I was told he was female, didn't have the money for vet care right away, never checked and by the time I figured it out, he knew his name - plus, he was rather feminine anyway - even his original vet agreed he was seemed gay), Ashley who was 7 and Soleil who was 5. It was right before the move on March 30th that my Soleil started having issues with breathing. The vet in Guelph wasn't too sure what was going on but wondered about asthma. As soon as the move was complete she wasn't doing any better. My sister hooked me up with a vet in my current city and after an ultra sound it was discovered that Soleil's heart was enlarged. She was sent home with some steroids, but everything went wrong that very first night, which was a Friday. I remember that she didn't sleep and her eyes were glossy. I called my sister and ex brother in-law to take me to the vet, but due to drug issues (there is no nice way to put it, plus that is in the past), I had a hard time getting my brother in-law to me to rush her to the vet. It took over 2 hours before he finally came. Long story short, Soleil died in my arms and she had all of this fluid coming out of her mouth. I remember screaming and yelling "No, no, no" repeatedly. Her vet (who is still a friend today and was Raven's original vet) came in and I remember her just hugging me. Plus, she also knew I was going through some other stuff. I was very bonded with Soleil, so that traumatized and devastated me beyond belief. To this day I still mourn and miss her. Ten days after moving is when she died. I blamed myself then too, thinking if we had just stayed in where we were, she would have been fine. Below are some pictures of Soleil. I don't have too many digital prints of her, but these are all within her last ten days of life.
Soleil - March 9th, 2000-April 9th, 2005
Coming back without her was hell. Trixie and Soleil were so close and he was just as devastated. He went into a deep depression and no amount of love could pull him out of it. He looked for her for a long time. Ashley wasn't really affected by the loss because they co-existed, but weren't friends. As devastated as I was, I had to try and muddle forward for the other two and because I needed to find a job.
At the time, my niece (21 at the time) and nephew (9 at the time), were spending a lot of time at my place. My niece lived with me. I remember the two of them asking a lot of questions on whether I would get another cat or not. If I did, what would I name the other cat etc. etc.. I really didn't want another cat. The loss of Soleil left a huge hole in my heart. Inconceivable at the time that any other loss could top that one.
Little did I know that my sister, niece and nephew were already planning on getting me another cat as a surprise with full intentions on making sure it was complete opposite in appearance from Soleil. On April 27th, 2005 my sister, niece, nephew and I were out running some errands. My sister said she had to stop off at our vet clinic (the same one Soleil died at), to pay a bill. I really didn't want to go in with them, but they talked me into it. It was then that I was handed a little black kitten with a small white spot on her chest and was told she was for me. She was adorable, I will say that much, but I was overcome with mixed emotions. Honestly, I didn't want her then. I guess I finally decided that I could accommodate three cats, so I would go for it. Still in the clinic my nephew asked what I was going to name her. Without missing a beat I immediately said, "Raven". As evidenced above, Raven was indeed opposite of Soleil in appearance.
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| Raven with my niece in the car on the way home - Such a beautiful face! |
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| Still in the car. Already so trusting and just crashing on her shoulder |
Upon arriving home with 9 week old Raven, I introduced her to the older two the way I knew how to do it. Raven immediately hissed at Trixie and Ashley, which really upset Trixie because not only was he still mourning, but he truly loved everything and everyone, no matter human, hamster, cat or even a bug. I have never seen a kitten do this before. With that reaction from Raven, I wasn't even sure I was going to keep her. There was no way I was going to upset Trixie further. Within the week, Raven stopped hissing. I later learned from my nephew that he remembers her hissing at other animals in the clinic since Raven and her brother were in a large crate in the main waiting area. The three of them didn't become friends, but they co-existed very well and there was no fighting involved. Raven had absolutely no interest in playing with the older two, which suited Ashley fine. Raven was just happy playing by herself or with humans. Raven was so loving and happy. All you had to do was look at her an she would purr. She also had what I called a nervous purr that would occur when something startled her or if she fell.
From day one Raven gave what I call a "kissy face" - That's where she would take her head, from nose to forehead and rub it straight up your face. The action of love was hers - all I did was teach her the word associated with it. Any time myself or anyone she knew would ask for one, they would get one. She even did kissy faces on the phone to people's voices that she knew when they would ask for one. She would rub the phone. If you said, "Thank you, another one" or "One more" she would give you another one. If she was in my arms and wanted down I would say, "Kissy face first" and she would do it. You could be standing and bend over to her on the floor and ask for one and she would. My favorites ones were when she would be laying on the bed and I would stand over her, at which put she would look up at my by tilting her head back and give me a kissy face. She was so full of love. I would give anything to have a kissy face from Raven right now.
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| Kissy face to Auntie Billy - More to come on her in another post |
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| Kissy face to Mommy |
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| First kissy face captures on camera as a baby |
I don't have too many pictures of Raven in the first year of life. Mostly because a lot of them were on an old phone that crashed and died before I could get the pictures off. Besides, as evidenced below in one with Raven and Trixie, prior to better cameras on smart phones, it was extremely hard to get a picture of her where she didn't look like a black blob. Even my friend and old neighbor couldn't get decent pictures of Raven the first few years. Most of the great captures of Raven go to her photo credit, like the one at the top of this page. She took amazing pictures of Raven and more will come up as time goes on.
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| Rare moment with the two of them - I still miss him a lot! |
I knew she was different from the beginning. First off, not liking the other cats - what's with that? Although, I mentioned before that it indicated to me that once the older two were passed on, I knew Raven had to be an only cat - So, it's just been her and I since 2009 when Ashley died. I think the strong bond started because I hand fed Raven for the first year of her life. I didn't want the older two eating kitten food since eating Soleil's kitten food was how Ashley gained so much weight to begin with.
Raven was also different in how she behaved as a kitten. She rarely got in any kind of trouble. The worst I remember her doing is climbing the curtains once - at which point she got stuck, screamed her head off and never did it again. Learning her lesson was something that carried with her for life. If something she did had a bad ending, she wouldn't do it again. Sometimes it was good and other times not so much. She never put objects in her mouth that didn't belong there. Raven was never fed people food, so if someone tested me and offered her something, she would refuse it. She always had to know was something was when it came to food, but never actually touched it. .The worst she did as a kitten with putting something in her mouth was getting into my nephew's cheerios when he got up to go to the bathroom. However, she didn't eat them - she sucked the milk off and spit the cheerios out. It was then that he taught her the words "No, no!", which she hated. If she did get told that, she would mouth off right back at ya - Raven was constantly talking.
I found something else that happened early on very strange. When Soleil was young, I trained her to go on the little kitchen step stool for a treat. She knew the words "treat" and "go on the stool". While the two did not know each other, Raven started doing that same thing very young and quickly learned the commands without me teaching them to her. Raven actually understood and consistently responded to quite a large vocabulary. Hopefully more of those will come up as I go. I will get more into the stool and treats and a later date, but here is a picture of the stool.
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| THE stool - For some reason she put her "toy" up there. |
For the most part, Raven slept through the night almost her whole life. She went to bed when I went to bed and got up when I got up. I would say the first half of kittenhood was when she had a bit more of that nocturnal thing happening, but it didn't last long. I have memories of her being up on the top shelf of the bedroom closet which always ended up in her jumping from there right to my stomach while I was in bed - knocking the wind right out of me. My niece has memories of Raven standing on her chest in the middle of the night and dropping her fuzzy ball on to my niece's face (the ball is pictured above - not a good shot, but it will be in future shots guaranteed). That ball was Raven's main toy for her whole life. She would bring it to you to play fetch and she almost always knew where it was. If it went missing, things got bad - I used to call it a "toytastrophe" - she would freak out looking for it. Most times though, I could say, "Where's your toy?", and she would go get it. Raven also had one of those round plastic toys with the plastic ball in it that they could bat around. I remember my niece hiding it from Raven in the middle of the night. Other favorite toys will come up in later posts. There weren't many of them because she pretty much stuck to the same five her whole life with the fuzzy ball being the main one. I sucked it up in the vacuum once and started crying. Thankfully I was able to get it out without it being too damaged. Other people bought her a lot of toys and she had no interest. That theory of switching cats toys to avoid boredom did not apply to Raven, I even tried to get her a new fuzzy ball where the foil was still intact and she had no interest.
To digress from the first year of life for a moment because I don't want to forget to add this memory, I want to bring something up from more recently. Although my niece moved out and we didn't see her much, Raven clearly never forgot her. My niece paid a surprise visit and I had no idea she was at the door. I was out on the balcony at the time. I guess she knocked, Raven must have known it was her and when I walked in, she was talking to my niece through the door. I didn't understand what Raven was doing until I read the text from my niece stating she was at the door at that moment. She told me that as soon as she knocked Raven came to the door and started talking to her.
One other crazy habit that started early on was jumping on people's backs. It was like as soon as she saw butt, she went for it. I was never able to get a picture of it. While doing this lessened as she got older, she did still do it. You wouldn't just stand up to get her off because she would cling on with her nails if she started to slide. You had to either wait until she got down, or when my nephew lived with me or even when he was just down to being here 1 or 2 weekends a month, he would have to get her off. I started to have to put my shoes on in the bedroom standing up with my foot on the dresser s that I could leave for work without her being on my back. I remember when he was living with me under not so good circumstances, we had a social worker visit to make sure living with me was the best for him at the time. Not only did my nine-year-old nephew decide to kick the social worker out at 8pm because American Idol was starting, but as soon as the woman bent over to put her shoes on, Raven made the sprint and jumped on the poor woman's back. My nephew flew up from the couch to grab Raven and we both apologized. Thankfully, she thought it was funny. What a relief!
Raven was quite the jumper as far as distance goes. For the first few years of life she used to jump from the floor to my arms, especially if she wanted to be picked up and I didn't do it fast enough. One day she missed and fell, so like mentioned above, once something does her wrong, she won't do it again. She also used to jump from the floor to my stomach while I laid in the middle of the bed. That stopped about a year ago when she overshot her jump and slid right off to me on the other side. Scratched me up trying to stop herself and then just laid beside me with her nervous purr going acting like she meant to do that. Well, she never did it again.
As a kitten she also had an obsession with getting in the dishwasher, fridge, freezer and sitting on top of the fridge. She was pissed when she could no longer fit in the fridge. As soon as I would open it, she would come flying into the kitchen and jump in. I have no clue why since she wasn't interested in anything in it. I would walk by her while she was on the fridge and she would bat at my head.
My grief and devastation over losing Raven is no better today than it was the day she died over two weeks ago. I still keep thinking I see her and still cry a lot, especially as soon as I wake up and realize she is not there or when I finally do crash and burn and she's not coming to sleep too. These posts are hard to do because they just make me miss her that much more. There is so much I want to document so that I can come back and read them any time. I don't want to forget one single memory of her. She was such a snuggle bunny! There is so much I want to say that I don't know how to put it all into context when it comes to talking about her. I have so much to say about her! I just want to be able to hug and kiss her right now. She loved being hugged, kissed, talked to, loved, squeezed, poked - you name it. I tried so many ways to "piss" her off, but she was so trusting and just loved everything I did. I love you, my sweet Raven!
*For the beginning of the story, see November 2014*
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