Raven's Story - In Loving Memory
It's been four weeks today and time literally feels like it has stood still. Everything is a blur. It's probably just everything melding together because of that lack of normalcy. It's like I just lost Raven yesterday. That last week and a half of her life just plays through my head over and over again. I have so much regret and guilt. I still genuinely feel like I killed her, not murder, but I contributed to her death. I am still second-guessing everything and left wondering "what if?" for everything in not only those last few days, but also the event that set the whole abscess off four weeks prior to her dying.
The loss of normalcy makes everything worse with Raven gone. I still expect to see her and get her breakfast when I come in from the balcony first thing in the morning. Even though I am aware that I am crying at that moment because I started crying the moment I woke up due to the fact that she wasn't there beside me, it's like I still expect to see her as soon as I come in and hear her meltdown for breakfast. She would meet me at the balcony door for love and to walk me to the kitchen. Somewhere along the line she figured out that putting out the cigarette in the ashtray meant coming back in, so as soon as she saw me do that, she would make her way to the door to greet me. Same applies from the last time I come in from the balcony the last time at night. I expect to see her and hear her meltdown to give her the last feeding before we went to bed. There are times I come inside and I think I see her because she used either be sitting at a certain spot, or doing what I used to joke as "blending" with the black shoes and boots in the hall. I cry every time I think I see her for that brief second. I am mostly still in the habit of putting on my shoes int he bedroom with my foot up on the dresser because of having to start that years ago due to her jumping on my back when bent over. It's only occasionally where I think, "Oh, I don't have to do that anymore", and then I start to cry.
I really thought I had more pictures of her "blending", especially because it was a regular occurrence, but I can't find them. Now I feel like I don't have nearly enough pictures of her overall. Especially good and front on shots. I'm not great at picture taking and it was no exception when I tried to get pictures of Raven. I wish I had more front on pictures of her beautiful face.
My mind is constantly going. Everything, and I mean everything is playing back in my head. I am starting to question a lot of things based on some recent thoughts. I will get into those later, but if I knew then what I am starting to learn now.....
Almost two years ago to the date Raven was nipped this year, we had another big scare, but she pulled through. I want to bring that to life since between that and what's just happened to Raven recently, it has had me doing some serious re-thinking about certain things that have to do with animal care both at home and medically. More on that later. First more on Raven's issues from 2012.
Back in October 2012 I had gone away for a week to Arizona. While I was gone, Raven was as usual, doing well with my friend/neighbor who used to care for her when I went away. There will be more about the bond those two shared at some point. Upon arriving home, Raven's appetite was decreasing within a few days of being back. The first day and a half I didn't think much of it because that was normal for her when I returned due to her being stuck to me like glue. However, within a couple of days she was vomiting and really not eating or drinking. Prior to that, Raven had only vomited a few times in her entire seven years. I was freaking out with fear as I know that's a bad sign. My friend and I had just taken her for her yearly checkup and shots the month before and she got a clean bill of health. Unfortunately, her vet had moved to the city right beside mine and since I didn't drive, I knew a cab there wouldn't be doable financially, especially if she was going to be kept. My friend that used to care for her would have been limited as to how often she would have been able to get us to the next city as well. Of course, I consulted with Raven's vet and explained what was going on. Between the three of us, we decided to try my friend's vet (who has been referred to as "Raven's previous vet team"), since it was close to where we live. I was unemployed at the time, so cab fare when needed to take that route was doable. What I wasn't prepared for, was the amount of trips back and forth and I know now they were unnecessary and should never have had to happen.
Brace yourselves, this is a long story. I will try and condense it as much as possible. So, Tuesday, October 30th I took Raven in and met Raven's new vet team. I was terrified and slightly distrusting, or perhaps leery is a better word, but I trusted my friend and my baby was not eating and was vomiting. They loved the fact that I could give them an exact history of Raven and what exactly was going on. They could tell she meant the world to me. They said they have seen this several times when owners come back from vacation and suspected maybe something "foreign" she ate might be causing an obstruction. I insisted that it was not possible that she ate something "foreign" when I was gone because she was not that type of cat. My God, Raven wouldn't even eat food out of the right side of her dish, wouldn't take a treat off of the stool, never took people food and aside from chewing the corner off the odd piece of paper years ago, never put anything "foreign" in her mouth. I told them all of this, but they said they had heard that before and it turned out to be an obstruction. Okay, so I okayed the x-rays even though I knew in my gut that it wasn't an obstruction. Of course they kept Raven which sent me into tears. They wanted to do blood work, X-rays, urinalyses and put her on fluids to see if she would eat. I was a wreck and didn't sleep that whole night.
I went back October 31st to talk to them about the results and updates. In the mean time and the entire time, I had kept Raven's previous vet in the loop with everything. The new vet team was completely understanding and respectful of that. A couple of times they asked if she had any input on certain issues. One cute story they told me was that they had bandaged Raven's IV with an orange color because they thought it would be cute for Halloween. However, when I saw her it was pink. They then informed me that she shook that IV right off, so they had to put it in the other paw. There's my smart girl. It was at the same time they told me how amazing Raven is and that she is one of the calmest cats they have ever treated. They did everything, including x-rays without having to sedate her. The Dr. told me that Raven did go to almost bite her once but then didn't. She said Raven opened her mouth on the top of the doctor's hand but then didn't bite and that's it. She had been amazing for everything else. I said, "Do you want to know why she didn't bite you?", of course she wanted to know why. I continued with, "Because she actually doesn't know how to bite in that manner." I continued to explain what I am about to tell you. Raven had no concept of biting skin in violence. Her math was way off. Any time she would try and bite, she would try and put the entire limb in her mouth. It never worked and she never figured out why. Raven was never violent at that point anyway. It was her way of playing. I think a lot of it came from the face that I never allowed "rough" play when she was a kitten. I never played with her where she was allowed to go after my hand or fingers. I run my hand back and forth under a blanket or something, but as soon as she saw skin, she would cease "attacking" it. However, on a side note, Raven never did outgrow chasing feet under the covers and as brilliant as she was, she never outgrew chasing her own tail. So weird, but funny!
Back to the update. No obstruction on the X-ray, just some gas showed up, but that certainly wasn't causing her not to eat and drink. I knew she hadn't eaten anything foreign, but reassurance for both parties involved was good. The blood work and urine came back showing nothing wrong, but she still hadn't eaten. They were baffled. I was snuggling with her in the examination room as we were talking. We thought maybe if I brought her home that she would finally eat after having some IV fluids there. They removed the IV and I brought her home with the plan to bring her back Thursday if she still hadn't eaten. As Wednesday night went on, she still hadn't eaten and I had a feeling she wouldn't by morning.
As predicted, she still hadn't eaten and back we went Thursday for them to keep her and put back on fluids until she eats or until they can figure out what's going on. It was then that the vet thought she should talk to her friend in Guelph who is an internal medicine specialist so they could do an abdominal ultrasound. Unfortunately, they didn't think she would be able to come to until Monday. Well, they talked to her Thursday and told her not only what is going on with Raven, but also what an amazing and loving owner I am. Thankfully, this doctor dropped everything and made arrangements to come see Raven on Friday. She reviewed the tests and they did the abdominal ultrasound (again with no sedation and they both said Raven is amazing). Between the test results and ultrasound the internal medicine specialist diagnosed her with low-grade chronic pancreatitis and suspected Inflammatory Bowel Disease because they two go hand in hand. They put her on higher-dosed steroids, anti-nausea medication and something to help stimulate appetite. She also suggested Raven go on a hydrolyzed protein diet. She said that while her blood work numbers looked normal for pancreas, they were actually on the high-end of normal and indicative of her condition. That's when I learned that it really isn't "normal" for cats to vomit. Not even hairballs except maybe on a very rare occasion. If there is vomit or hairballs, then there is a digestive issue generally.
Finally, by Saturday morning Raven ate and I was able to go pick her up! What a relief. Those days without her were miserable, although not nearly as miserable and heartbreaking as right now. I was sent home with anti-nausea meds, the stronger steroids and the appetite stimulation meds if needed. They also gave me some food to try, but there was a good chance she wouldn't like it. Nope, she didn't, so we had to give her the old stuff (Science Diet, by the way, which at one point I thought was a great and safe food) and wait for the new HP (hydrolyzed protein) food to arrive at the vet. Raven was feeling like Super Kitty on those steroids - holy crap!
Raven was on the stronger steroids for the first week home and then was to be put on a lower dose for two months before weaning off. In that first week, we reduced food portions a bit, but the stronger steroid was making her hungry all the time. Oh my God! She was relentless with the meltdowns. Not only that, but the steroids turned her into a common criminal. I just remembered that on the Saturday we picked her up, we had to go to the pharmacy to get her prescriptions. While in the carrier in the back of the car, she was trying to break out with her new super strength and at one point actually managed to break out. She had never done that before. So, since she was hungry, I was yelled at for the entire week. Not only that, but the criminal behavior continued. She went and practiced opening the bathroom cabinets and once she mastered that, she took her new skills to the kitchen cabinet where the food was. I would hear, "bang, bang, bang" as she attempted to open the kitchen cupboard. I would say "Raven" and she would reply with a "ahhhhhhhhh" scream each time. When I would call her and heard nothing, then I knew she made it in the cupboard. I had to tie the handles of the cupboard together. Every time I got up to go somewhere in the apartment, I was followed and screamed at. Forget going near the kitchen. At one point I texted my friend while she was at work and told her I was going next door to her place to hang out with the dogs for a while. I felt bad because I knew she was hungrier than normal, but she couldn't have more food.
I think all of the meltdowns were finally exhausting her at times. She would come up on the computer while I was job searching and start to lay down on the keyboard, which while she sat in front of it many times, she never tried to sleep on it before. So, I moved everything and let her just crash on my hand.
A week after picking her up, we went back for the follow up and to pick up the new food. That's where super criminal kitty continued in the examination room. They had never seen anything like it. She was trying to break into their cupboards looking for food. My friend, the vet and I were cracking up. We were also getting the lower dose steroid which thankfully doesn't carry the same extreme hunger side effect that turned her into a common criminal.
Well, after that visit, that's when all hell broke loose. That Saturday night I started introducing the new food and started the new steroid. Raven also did something that night that she had never done before. She jumped on the stove when I had a pan on it and just turned the burner on. Raven had always been smart enough to never jump up when the stove or oven was on. By Sunday night she had a small angry red mark on her foot. We brought her back to the vet Monday to look at it and we did wonder if it was a burn, although not likely. Monday and Tuesday it continued to get worse. Now, due to my previous work with pharmacists and getting them involved in my own health issues, the one thing they have ingrained in me is to be a detective so-to-speak. Pay attention to events and triggers. Well, three things happened when this foot thing happened with Raven. 1) the new drug (but still a steroid, so not likely), 2) the new food and 3) the stove incident. As the week went on and as more of that new hydrolyzed protein was introduced, her foot got worse. I did actually find on a vet's website that a reaction like that is a possible allergic reaction. Raven's vet disagreed, but by the end of that first week, I decided to pull her off that food and we tried the Novel protein instead. Sure enough, the wound got worse on the hydrolyzed protein and stopped getting worse when we stopped that food. The vet and I would have to agree to disagree. I knew it was a reaction. It may not be a typical reaction she has seen personally, but it was in fact a reaction. It got worse the entire week that food was being introduced little by little.
We were back and forth to the vet so much. Again my amazing, trusting baby showed just how much she will tolerate. They were cleaning her wound and thought she would freak out when they stuck her foot in the soapy/medicated water because it would sting. Nope! Raven didn't even fuss! Unfortunately, due to how bad the wound was, Raven had to wear the cone on her head for the first time in her life. Even worse, because of the steroid, the wound would take longer to heal. When all was said and done, she had to wear it for a month with a small break in between, which I will talk about shortly.
On one hand it was good that I wasn't working because I could be there to supervise, observe and be there for her, but on the other hand, I blew through what little savings I had with the hospital stay, tests, all the back and forth, medications and follow ups. I would do it all again in a heartbeat! Raven was worth every penny. I just wish I had been able to figure more out back then. Raven was depressed and miserable with the cone on. As mentioned before though, she learned real quick that if I sat on the couch, she could come and lay with me and I would take it off. As seen below in the pictures, she was pretty depressed. Plus, the cone throws them right off and the poor girl was walking into everything for a while. I had to help guide her because she would get stuck.
I felt horrible and on one of the follow up visits to check on her foot, I asked if there was anything we could do so she didn't have to wear the cone. The vet said they could bandage it, but for no more than four days with me coming back after two days to get it re-bandaged because of the risk of infection. She also said there was a risk Raven would try and get it off because it was awkward. I opted to try. They actually had bets at the vet clinic as to how fast Raven would get it off because of how fast she got that first IV off. My smart girl didn't attempt to get it off once! I think she knew it was best not to. Below is the alternative to the cone for 4 days.
Raven seemed to be doing well on the prescription novel protein diet except once when she was eating too fast and vomiting, so we pulled the dry away for a few days. That was a nightmare because she was not a fan of an all wet food diet. She had meltdowns galore and ate bare minimum. She was like "screw you, I don't care how hungry I am, I am not eating all wet - give me the dry now" and since "now" was one of her meows, it was more like a loud, drawn out, "Noowwwwwwwwww". She was supposed to be eating a can and a half a day and was barely eating a can a day. As it was, she only liked eating 1/8 of a can of wet and then wanted dry for the rest. Even though I thought things were going well, the nightmare actually continued.
Because the new food was portion controlled and we wanted her to lose weight, we/I had to take her in monthly for what I used to call her "Weight Watchers Meetings" to get her weighed. See? Back and forth to the vet constantly! We needed to make sure she was losing weight. Raven was 13 pounds (already a bit overweight, but she actually was a tall girl - no joke), when she first got sick and the "prescription" food that was supposed to be good for her and on an amount that was supposed to help her lose weight, actually caused her to gain 3.6 pounds in a matter of 4.5 months. I was not happy! I was actually pretty upset each months as I watched her gain weight. They suggested more exercise and buying toys to encourage her to "hunt" food around the apartment. First off, I had a hunch it was the food already. Second, Raven had absolutely no hunting skills and wouldn't touch food on the wrong side of her dish, let alone outside of the kitchen at that point. Like I have said before, very few cat traits in her at all. Below is a picture I took right before all this abscess stuff happened where I thought she was finally being a cat. If you look closely, she is not! Pay attention to where she is looking compared to where the bird is.
I started doing my own homework and that's when I started seeing a correlation between her condition and grains. The prescription Novel protein diet had grains in it! I agreed that she needed to be on a novel protein, so I switched her to Natural Balance duck and green pea grain free. She loved it! Especially the dry, which was her "crack". Back then, I really didn't think dry food was bad for them. She finally started to lose weight slowly. I vowed then to never feed an animal grains again. I did know about raw diets, but as a vegetarian, there was no way in hell I could do that without getting sick to my stomach. I have a weak stomach as it is. Plus, I still thought I was doing right by her with the grain free, novel protein Natural Balance dry and wet food.
Again, something that should have been a simple fix once the issue was finally detected turned into a nightmare. Raven made it through though! She went through so much and was such a trooper. I don't understand why something that seems much more simple than what happened in 2012, killed her this time. I say for both losing her now and the issues back in 2012, if I knew then what I knew now... I just didn't think there was a way of knowing. I thought the animal medical professionals had a good handle on it. I am sure for most stuff they do, but like regular doctors, a lot progresses and happens and it is a lot to keep up with. I believe most vets do a great job and are doing the best they can with what they got, but that doesn't change how I feel about this last guy missing the signs for renal failure when I was so clear about every single thing that had happened. Those two big ones are hard for me to accept him missing. Wetting the bed and being unaware of it and excessive drinking. Perhaps we could have saved her before it was too late. Plus, it also doesn't mean all the information they have is necessarily the right information. Again, not their fault.
First, I started thinking about my four cats and I see a pattern. The two out of the four that I was closest and bonded to, are the two that had the most vet care. Meaning the ones I took to get vaccinated every year, doing everything I thought was right to do (at the time, but have since learned more food-wise), are the two that died young, suddenly and unexpectedly. The two that only had their shots in the first year and were spayed and neutered because I was younger and didn't have the money for yearly vet care, are they two that loved the longest. They only had vet care when it was absolutely necessary as in pain or emergency. Trixie, who I was told wouldn't live a long life because of a severe heart murmur, died at 12 years old and I still think it was losing Soleil that killed him. That's when he went downhill. Ashley, who was the runt, majorly overweight and all kinds of weird health issues, lived until she was 15. Then I started thinking about a friend's ex-boyfriend's two cats. They lived to 19 & 21 and only had vet care beyond the first year as needed. One of them had kidney problems when he was really old, but not before. Then there is my friend down the hall. She has had numerous cats and most of them live to close to 20 or beyond. Same thing, indoor cats with initial vet care, getting fixed and then as needed. Are you seeing the same pattern I am seeing? Is there something to the fact that the ones who received the most "care" are the ones that died young, or is it just that I have bad luck with the ones that I bond with the most and it was a coincidence?
So, I started doing homework originally on vaccines for indoor cats. I came across a vet discussing over-vaccinating indoor cats. She talks about what they need versus what they don't. Along with why which ones are needed and why they are not. She also delves into issues from them. Then I stumbled on the info about food, initially not realizing it was from the same site. This is not some random opinion site. Dr. Lisa Pierson is a DVM and has been for I believe 30 years. www.catinfo.org I still have a lot more to read as there is a lot of information on her site that it is useful. I have posted the link on the sidebar of this blog too. A lot of info on just how bad dry kibble is and why. Since I am still a huge mess, I am having issues understanding and retaining some of the information at this point. Although, I will add that the friend who has had many cats live until their 20's has only fed dry food. Even with that knowledge, my view on dry are starting to change.
I'm second-guessing everything now. What if all those vaccines I put into her beyond the first year of life are what were a major contributing factor to her health problems? What if without all those vaccines she would have been able to metabolize the Meloxicam better?
I think vets truly believe in what they are doing because it is what they are taught. Here is my problem. Like humans, we really don't know what vaccines and medications are causing what problems even years after you have had a medication/vaccine. Animals can't talk to tell us what side effects they are experiencing and when. In my opinion and from what I have learned from the horse's mouth, just because a drug company says something is safe, doesn't make it so. That goes for humans and animals.
Perhaps the concern is that without bringing animals in for yearly vaccines, particularly indoor cats, that pet owners wouldn't bring them in. That would never be the case for me. My views on yearly vaccines have changed, but I would still want a pet to be seen for wellness exams. I definitely believe pets should have those exams!
I am not promoting or denouncing anything as far as feeding or vaccines. I am just saying maybe we need to start doing more homework for our furbabies like we do for ourselves. The catinfo.org site is a good start. It makes me re-think everything.
Again, I really want to say thank you to every one who has been so supportive, has been there for me and continues to be there for me during this extremely difficult time. Thank you to everyone who reads this blog and encourages me to continue. The comments and compliments have been amazing and surprising. As I mentioned before, I really had no idea so many people would read this. Please continue to be there for me - The love and support and is still needed as I continue to grieve. I miss her more every day.
*Disclaimer - I do not proof-read anything I write, so if there are typos, please excuse them - Plus, I cry through 90% of writing these, which impacts vision.
*For the beginning of the story, see November 2014*
The loss of normalcy makes everything worse with Raven gone. I still expect to see her and get her breakfast when I come in from the balcony first thing in the morning. Even though I am aware that I am crying at that moment because I started crying the moment I woke up due to the fact that she wasn't there beside me, it's like I still expect to see her as soon as I come in and hear her meltdown for breakfast. She would meet me at the balcony door for love and to walk me to the kitchen. Somewhere along the line she figured out that putting out the cigarette in the ashtray meant coming back in, so as soon as she saw me do that, she would make her way to the door to greet me. Same applies from the last time I come in from the balcony the last time at night. I expect to see her and hear her meltdown to give her the last feeding before we went to bed. There are times I come inside and I think I see her because she used either be sitting at a certain spot, or doing what I used to joke as "blending" with the black shoes and boots in the hall. I cry every time I think I see her for that brief second. I am mostly still in the habit of putting on my shoes int he bedroom with my foot up on the dresser because of having to start that years ago due to her jumping on my back when bent over. It's only occasionally where I think, "Oh, I don't have to do that anymore", and then I start to cry.
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| Raven "Blending" |
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| Raven "blending between my nephew's shoes |
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| This is the corner I expect to see her at coming in from the balcony - she'd normally be facing me |
I really thought I had more pictures of her "blending", especially because it was a regular occurrence, but I can't find them. Now I feel like I don't have nearly enough pictures of her overall. Especially good and front on shots. I'm not great at picture taking and it was no exception when I tried to get pictures of Raven. I wish I had more front on pictures of her beautiful face.
My mind is constantly going. Everything, and I mean everything is playing back in my head. I am starting to question a lot of things based on some recent thoughts. I will get into those later, but if I knew then what I am starting to learn now.....
Almost two years ago to the date Raven was nipped this year, we had another big scare, but she pulled through. I want to bring that to life since between that and what's just happened to Raven recently, it has had me doing some serious re-thinking about certain things that have to do with animal care both at home and medically. More on that later. First more on Raven's issues from 2012.
Back in October 2012 I had gone away for a week to Arizona. While I was gone, Raven was as usual, doing well with my friend/neighbor who used to care for her when I went away. There will be more about the bond those two shared at some point. Upon arriving home, Raven's appetite was decreasing within a few days of being back. The first day and a half I didn't think much of it because that was normal for her when I returned due to her being stuck to me like glue. However, within a couple of days she was vomiting and really not eating or drinking. Prior to that, Raven had only vomited a few times in her entire seven years. I was freaking out with fear as I know that's a bad sign. My friend and I had just taken her for her yearly checkup and shots the month before and she got a clean bill of health. Unfortunately, her vet had moved to the city right beside mine and since I didn't drive, I knew a cab there wouldn't be doable financially, especially if she was going to be kept. My friend that used to care for her would have been limited as to how often she would have been able to get us to the next city as well. Of course, I consulted with Raven's vet and explained what was going on. Between the three of us, we decided to try my friend's vet (who has been referred to as "Raven's previous vet team"), since it was close to where we live. I was unemployed at the time, so cab fare when needed to take that route was doable. What I wasn't prepared for, was the amount of trips back and forth and I know now they were unnecessary and should never have had to happen.
Brace yourselves, this is a long story. I will try and condense it as much as possible. So, Tuesday, October 30th I took Raven in and met Raven's new vet team. I was terrified and slightly distrusting, or perhaps leery is a better word, but I trusted my friend and my baby was not eating and was vomiting. They loved the fact that I could give them an exact history of Raven and what exactly was going on. They could tell she meant the world to me. They said they have seen this several times when owners come back from vacation and suspected maybe something "foreign" she ate might be causing an obstruction. I insisted that it was not possible that she ate something "foreign" when I was gone because she was not that type of cat. My God, Raven wouldn't even eat food out of the right side of her dish, wouldn't take a treat off of the stool, never took people food and aside from chewing the corner off the odd piece of paper years ago, never put anything "foreign" in her mouth. I told them all of this, but they said they had heard that before and it turned out to be an obstruction. Okay, so I okayed the x-rays even though I knew in my gut that it wasn't an obstruction. Of course they kept Raven which sent me into tears. They wanted to do blood work, X-rays, urinalyses and put her on fluids to see if she would eat. I was a wreck and didn't sleep that whole night.
I went back October 31st to talk to them about the results and updates. In the mean time and the entire time, I had kept Raven's previous vet in the loop with everything. The new vet team was completely understanding and respectful of that. A couple of times they asked if she had any input on certain issues. One cute story they told me was that they had bandaged Raven's IV with an orange color because they thought it would be cute for Halloween. However, when I saw her it was pink. They then informed me that she shook that IV right off, so they had to put it in the other paw. There's my smart girl. It was at the same time they told me how amazing Raven is and that she is one of the calmest cats they have ever treated. They did everything, including x-rays without having to sedate her. The Dr. told me that Raven did go to almost bite her once but then didn't. She said Raven opened her mouth on the top of the doctor's hand but then didn't bite and that's it. She had been amazing for everything else. I said, "Do you want to know why she didn't bite you?", of course she wanted to know why. I continued with, "Because she actually doesn't know how to bite in that manner." I continued to explain what I am about to tell you. Raven had no concept of biting skin in violence. Her math was way off. Any time she would try and bite, she would try and put the entire limb in her mouth. It never worked and she never figured out why. Raven was never violent at that point anyway. It was her way of playing. I think a lot of it came from the face that I never allowed "rough" play when she was a kitten. I never played with her where she was allowed to go after my hand or fingers. I run my hand back and forth under a blanket or something, but as soon as she saw skin, she would cease "attacking" it. However, on a side note, Raven never did outgrow chasing feet under the covers and as brilliant as she was, she never outgrew chasing her own tail. So weird, but funny!
Back to the update. No obstruction on the X-ray, just some gas showed up, but that certainly wasn't causing her not to eat and drink. I knew she hadn't eaten anything foreign, but reassurance for both parties involved was good. The blood work and urine came back showing nothing wrong, but she still hadn't eaten. They were baffled. I was snuggling with her in the examination room as we were talking. We thought maybe if I brought her home that she would finally eat after having some IV fluids there. They removed the IV and I brought her home with the plan to bring her back Thursday if she still hadn't eaten. As Wednesday night went on, she still hadn't eaten and I had a feeling she wouldn't by morning.
As predicted, she still hadn't eaten and back we went Thursday for them to keep her and put back on fluids until she eats or until they can figure out what's going on. It was then that the vet thought she should talk to her friend in Guelph who is an internal medicine specialist so they could do an abdominal ultrasound. Unfortunately, they didn't think she would be able to come to until Monday. Well, they talked to her Thursday and told her not only what is going on with Raven, but also what an amazing and loving owner I am. Thankfully, this doctor dropped everything and made arrangements to come see Raven on Friday. She reviewed the tests and they did the abdominal ultrasound (again with no sedation and they both said Raven is amazing). Between the test results and ultrasound the internal medicine specialist diagnosed her with low-grade chronic pancreatitis and suspected Inflammatory Bowel Disease because they two go hand in hand. They put her on higher-dosed steroids, anti-nausea medication and something to help stimulate appetite. She also suggested Raven go on a hydrolyzed protein diet. She said that while her blood work numbers looked normal for pancreas, they were actually on the high-end of normal and indicative of her condition. That's when I learned that it really isn't "normal" for cats to vomit. Not even hairballs except maybe on a very rare occasion. If there is vomit or hairballs, then there is a digestive issue generally.
Finally, by Saturday morning Raven ate and I was able to go pick her up! What a relief. Those days without her were miserable, although not nearly as miserable and heartbreaking as right now. I was sent home with anti-nausea meds, the stronger steroids and the appetite stimulation meds if needed. They also gave me some food to try, but there was a good chance she wouldn't like it. Nope, she didn't, so we had to give her the old stuff (Science Diet, by the way, which at one point I thought was a great and safe food) and wait for the new HP (hydrolyzed protein) food to arrive at the vet. Raven was feeling like Super Kitty on those steroids - holy crap!
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| This is your cat on drugs! She never drank out of my cup before this |
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| Much more convenient than walking to the kitchen in our 1 bedroom apartment |
Raven was on the stronger steroids for the first week home and then was to be put on a lower dose for two months before weaning off. In that first week, we reduced food portions a bit, but the stronger steroid was making her hungry all the time. Oh my God! She was relentless with the meltdowns. Not only that, but the steroids turned her into a common criminal. I just remembered that on the Saturday we picked her up, we had to go to the pharmacy to get her prescriptions. While in the carrier in the back of the car, she was trying to break out with her new super strength and at one point actually managed to break out. She had never done that before. So, since she was hungry, I was yelled at for the entire week. Not only that, but the criminal behavior continued. She went and practiced opening the bathroom cabinets and once she mastered that, she took her new skills to the kitchen cabinet where the food was. I would hear, "bang, bang, bang" as she attempted to open the kitchen cupboard. I would say "Raven" and she would reply with a "ahhhhhhhhh" scream each time. When I would call her and heard nothing, then I knew she made it in the cupboard. I had to tie the handles of the cupboard together. Every time I got up to go somewhere in the apartment, I was followed and screamed at. Forget going near the kitchen. At one point I texted my friend while she was at work and told her I was going next door to her place to hang out with the dogs for a while. I felt bad because I knew she was hungrier than normal, but she couldn't have more food.
I think all of the meltdowns were finally exhausting her at times. She would come up on the computer while I was job searching and start to lay down on the keyboard, which while she sat in front of it many times, she never tried to sleep on it before. So, I moved everything and let her just crash on my hand.
A week after picking her up, we went back for the follow up and to pick up the new food. That's where super criminal kitty continued in the examination room. They had never seen anything like it. She was trying to break into their cupboards looking for food. My friend, the vet and I were cracking up. We were also getting the lower dose steroid which thankfully doesn't carry the same extreme hunger side effect that turned her into a common criminal.
We were back and forth to the vet so much. Again my amazing, trusting baby showed just how much she will tolerate. They were cleaning her wound and thought she would freak out when they stuck her foot in the soapy/medicated water because it would sting. Nope! Raven didn't even fuss! Unfortunately, due to how bad the wound was, Raven had to wear the cone on her head for the first time in her life. Even worse, because of the steroid, the wound would take longer to heal. When all was said and done, she had to wear it for a month with a small break in between, which I will talk about shortly.
On one hand it was good that I wasn't working because I could be there to supervise, observe and be there for her, but on the other hand, I blew through what little savings I had with the hospital stay, tests, all the back and forth, medications and follow ups. I would do it all again in a heartbeat! Raven was worth every penny. I just wish I had been able to figure more out back then. Raven was depressed and miserable with the cone on. As mentioned before though, she learned real quick that if I sat on the couch, she could come and lay with me and I would take it off. As seen below in the pictures, she was pretty depressed. Plus, the cone throws them right off and the poor girl was walking into everything for a while. I had to help guide her because she would get stuck.
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| Being able to get a break without the cone |
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| She got up there and was like "Crap" and just laid down - That was a first! |
I felt horrible and on one of the follow up visits to check on her foot, I asked if there was anything we could do so she didn't have to wear the cone. The vet said they could bandage it, but for no more than four days with me coming back after two days to get it re-bandaged because of the risk of infection. She also said there was a risk Raven would try and get it off because it was awkward. I opted to try. They actually had bets at the vet clinic as to how fast Raven would get it off because of how fast she got that first IV off. My smart girl didn't attempt to get it off once! I think she knew it was best not to. Below is the alternative to the cone for 4 days.
Raven seemed to be doing well on the prescription novel protein diet except once when she was eating too fast and vomiting, so we pulled the dry away for a few days. That was a nightmare because she was not a fan of an all wet food diet. She had meltdowns galore and ate bare minimum. She was like "screw you, I don't care how hungry I am, I am not eating all wet - give me the dry now" and since "now" was one of her meows, it was more like a loud, drawn out, "Noowwwwwwwwww". She was supposed to be eating a can and a half a day and was barely eating a can a day. As it was, she only liked eating 1/8 of a can of wet and then wanted dry for the rest. Even though I thought things were going well, the nightmare actually continued.
Because the new food was portion controlled and we wanted her to lose weight, we/I had to take her in monthly for what I used to call her "Weight Watchers Meetings" to get her weighed. See? Back and forth to the vet constantly! We needed to make sure she was losing weight. Raven was 13 pounds (already a bit overweight, but she actually was a tall girl - no joke), when she first got sick and the "prescription" food that was supposed to be good for her and on an amount that was supposed to help her lose weight, actually caused her to gain 3.6 pounds in a matter of 4.5 months. I was not happy! I was actually pretty upset each months as I watched her gain weight. They suggested more exercise and buying toys to encourage her to "hunt" food around the apartment. First off, I had a hunch it was the food already. Second, Raven had absolutely no hunting skills and wouldn't touch food on the wrong side of her dish, let alone outside of the kitchen at that point. Like I have said before, very few cat traits in her at all. Below is a picture I took right before all this abscess stuff happened where I thought she was finally being a cat. If you look closely, she is not! Pay attention to where she is looking compared to where the bird is.
I started doing my own homework and that's when I started seeing a correlation between her condition and grains. The prescription Novel protein diet had grains in it! I agreed that she needed to be on a novel protein, so I switched her to Natural Balance duck and green pea grain free. She loved it! Especially the dry, which was her "crack". Back then, I really didn't think dry food was bad for them. She finally started to lose weight slowly. I vowed then to never feed an animal grains again. I did know about raw diets, but as a vegetarian, there was no way in hell I could do that without getting sick to my stomach. I have a weak stomach as it is. Plus, I still thought I was doing right by her with the grain free, novel protein Natural Balance dry and wet food.
Again, something that should have been a simple fix once the issue was finally detected turned into a nightmare. Raven made it through though! She went through so much and was such a trooper. I don't understand why something that seems much more simple than what happened in 2012, killed her this time. I say for both losing her now and the issues back in 2012, if I knew then what I knew now... I just didn't think there was a way of knowing. I thought the animal medical professionals had a good handle on it. I am sure for most stuff they do, but like regular doctors, a lot progresses and happens and it is a lot to keep up with. I believe most vets do a great job and are doing the best they can with what they got, but that doesn't change how I feel about this last guy missing the signs for renal failure when I was so clear about every single thing that had happened. Those two big ones are hard for me to accept him missing. Wetting the bed and being unaware of it and excessive drinking. Perhaps we could have saved her before it was too late. Plus, it also doesn't mean all the information they have is necessarily the right information. Again, not their fault.
First, I started thinking about my four cats and I see a pattern. The two out of the four that I was closest and bonded to, are the two that had the most vet care. Meaning the ones I took to get vaccinated every year, doing everything I thought was right to do (at the time, but have since learned more food-wise), are the two that died young, suddenly and unexpectedly. The two that only had their shots in the first year and were spayed and neutered because I was younger and didn't have the money for yearly vet care, are they two that loved the longest. They only had vet care when it was absolutely necessary as in pain or emergency. Trixie, who I was told wouldn't live a long life because of a severe heart murmur, died at 12 years old and I still think it was losing Soleil that killed him. That's when he went downhill. Ashley, who was the runt, majorly overweight and all kinds of weird health issues, lived until she was 15. Then I started thinking about a friend's ex-boyfriend's two cats. They lived to 19 & 21 and only had vet care beyond the first year as needed. One of them had kidney problems when he was really old, but not before. Then there is my friend down the hall. She has had numerous cats and most of them live to close to 20 or beyond. Same thing, indoor cats with initial vet care, getting fixed and then as needed. Are you seeing the same pattern I am seeing? Is there something to the fact that the ones who received the most "care" are the ones that died young, or is it just that I have bad luck with the ones that I bond with the most and it was a coincidence?
So, I started doing homework originally on vaccines for indoor cats. I came across a vet discussing over-vaccinating indoor cats. She talks about what they need versus what they don't. Along with why which ones are needed and why they are not. She also delves into issues from them. Then I stumbled on the info about food, initially not realizing it was from the same site. This is not some random opinion site. Dr. Lisa Pierson is a DVM and has been for I believe 30 years. www.catinfo.org I still have a lot more to read as there is a lot of information on her site that it is useful. I have posted the link on the sidebar of this blog too. A lot of info on just how bad dry kibble is and why. Since I am still a huge mess, I am having issues understanding and retaining some of the information at this point. Although, I will add that the friend who has had many cats live until their 20's has only fed dry food. Even with that knowledge, my view on dry are starting to change.
I'm second-guessing everything now. What if all those vaccines I put into her beyond the first year of life are what were a major contributing factor to her health problems? What if without all those vaccines she would have been able to metabolize the Meloxicam better?
I think vets truly believe in what they are doing because it is what they are taught. Here is my problem. Like humans, we really don't know what vaccines and medications are causing what problems even years after you have had a medication/vaccine. Animals can't talk to tell us what side effects they are experiencing and when. In my opinion and from what I have learned from the horse's mouth, just because a drug company says something is safe, doesn't make it so. That goes for humans and animals.
Perhaps the concern is that without bringing animals in for yearly vaccines, particularly indoor cats, that pet owners wouldn't bring them in. That would never be the case for me. My views on yearly vaccines have changed, but I would still want a pet to be seen for wellness exams. I definitely believe pets should have those exams!
I am not promoting or denouncing anything as far as feeding or vaccines. I am just saying maybe we need to start doing more homework for our furbabies like we do for ourselves. The catinfo.org site is a good start. It makes me re-think everything.
Again, I really want to say thank you to every one who has been so supportive, has been there for me and continues to be there for me during this extremely difficult time. Thank you to everyone who reads this blog and encourages me to continue. The comments and compliments have been amazing and surprising. As I mentioned before, I really had no idea so many people would read this. Please continue to be there for me - The love and support and is still needed as I continue to grieve. I miss her more every day.
*Disclaimer - I do not proof-read anything I write, so if there are typos, please excuse them - Plus, I cry through 90% of writing these, which impacts vision.
*For the beginning of the story, see November 2014*
Keep on keeping on! If this blog helps you, then keep on doing it and a lot of us will keep on reading. Deuce also had renal failure along with his initial diabetes diagnosis. Makes you wonder!!
ReplyDeleteI don't think the blog is helping me at this point. There isn't much that is helping right now. The grief is still intense and I miss her so much that the only thing that I can think of that will help is having her back - Obviously that is not going to happen
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