Raven's Story - In Loving Memory
It's been six and a half weeks since I lost Raven and I wish I could say the grieving is getting easier, but it's not. I miss her terribly and even though I try and think of good memories, I always end up thinking back to the last week and a half of her life from the moment the abscess was discovered to the last few days that she was getting worse with kidney failure and the last moments with her before I finally let her go. Thinking about good memories also makes me miss her more and feel like I should still have her here. It's the guilt that I can't get past. I blame myself for letting the dog in that bit her when there was no need for the dog to be here that day. I also blame the vet for not recognizing that she was in kidney failure when I told him she wet the bed in her sleep and she was drinking excessively. I told him three days before the Internal Medicine Specialist at the emergency hospital diagnosed her. Those three days might have made a huge difference in being able to bring her kidney levels down. I know she got worse Monday, Tuesday and her final day of Wednesday. I informed him on Monday morning. He was so stuck on the potential of her having a pancreatitis flare up that he missed the kidneys. Perhaps he didn't know Meloxicam could cause kidney problems, but he should! I hope to hell he knows now. She did not pee the bed or drink excessively when she got sick in 2012. Either way, I still blame myself because I let the dog in that started the chain events that ultimately led to me having to put her down. I read a lot and talk a lot about what I am feeling with the guilt and everything makes sense, but it's not helping me to not feel guilty. I would still love nothing more than to hug and kiss her right now - even just for a few moments. Raven loved being both hugged and kissed, as well as offering her own kissy faces.
The story and bond between Raven and V needs to be broken up into more than one post mainly because their bond was incredible to watch blossom over the years, there's a lot to tell and V was the one who took most of the great pictures of Raven over the years, so there will be a lot of pictures to go with these stories. I've mentioned before that up until the last few years, it was difficult to get a good picture of Raven without her showing up as a black blob. V was no exception in having those issues in the beginning, but once she was able to start capturing Raven and have her show up in the picture, there was no stopping her. V took amazing shots of Raven that I will cherish forever. The introduction picture on this post is just one of the many beautiful shots she captured of Raven. Admittedly, I wasn't great at taking pictures of Raven. Billy once said something to me along the lines of, "It's because you're trying to force it and V just lets the picture happen". Fair enough and likely true.
I've been putting off starting this post because I know it is going to be emotional and somewhat painful for me at times. V was undoubtedly the other one of Raven's favorite humans and I would say as much as Auntie Billy but with so many differences between the two bonds. Another reason I have been putting this off is because I really want to capture and remember as much as possible about them to be able to bring their story to the light that it deserves.
V is a friend of mine that used to live right next door. It's times like this where I miss her being right next door the most. V had two German Shepherds, a female with a name beginning with a J, and a male with a name beginning with a C. I looked after them and V looked after Raven. We had a pretty good system. I basically used to just group the three of them together as the furkids. Raven had V wrapped around her paw and J had me wrapped around her paw. I had a bond with both dogs, but J and I were especially bonded. While I admitted she had me wrapped around her paw, to this day V still won't admit Raven had her wrapped around her paw. I intend to prove otherwise. One of the reasons I am struggling with her not being right next door is because seeing and/or taking care of the dogs was a sense of normalcy. It would certainly help provide a good, brief distraction during this horrible time.
As life would have it, J passed away on October 1, 2014 and even though she wasn't my dog, her leaving this world hit me pretty hard. There was a part of me that was still mourning that loss when Raven died and is still mourning that loss today. I can't explain it, but we were connected and her passing hurt. RIP J, I hope that even though you and Raven were not friends here in the physical world, that you are together and friends wherever you are! That you are both still with V, C and I, watching over us and knowing how much you're missed and loved. I would have no doubt that Raven would visit V and Auntie Billy if that is possible. The difference between Raven and J's passing is that we knew J was sick and it was a bit sudden because we thought she had a bit longer to live, but I actually started mourning her as soon as I found out about it a couple of months prior. I didn't have that option with Raven because I basically contributed to her death. Raven and J were close in age. Only 6 months apart. I used to joke that they went through a lot of same things together as far as aging pets goes. I never in a million years thought they would die a month and a half apart.
Raven was not friends with the dogs, but they all knew each other's scents. In fact, C was absolutely in love with Raven. The love was not reciprocated by Raven. I don't remember how it even started, but I do know his obsession increased over time. Every time he saw her in the hall when he was about to go for a walk, his eyes would light up with love. When I would go over to take care of them, he would smell my shoes and get this look of love that seemed to say "*Swoon* I smell her. When the dogs were on the balcony, they would usually stand up and say hi to me, except C had a different agenda. He would be trying to look in my door looking for Raven. When I would bring her out on the balcony for him to see her, that made his day. Unfortunately for him, she wasn't interested in being friends. As shown below, Raven wasn't even looking at him. In the second picture, it looks like she is looking at her V, who was taking the picture. Excuse my bedhead. I think I had just woke up.
I don't remember when their bond started, but I know it intensified when I started to go away in 2011 and continued to grow each time I went away. I would go for 8 days twice a year. When V moved last May, I was worried about who could look after Raven if I went away again. Raven and V not only had their routines, but not only was V the only one I would trust 100% to look after her, I think Raven felt the same way. Plus, V was there every step of the way when Raven got sick in 2012, so she knew what to look for and what to do if something went wrong while I was gone. That would have been hard to do with someone else. I guess if everything happens for a reason, I don't need to worry about who would look after Raven if I go away. The issue never came up due to Raven passing 6 months later and I don't intend on going anywhere any time soon.
When I first decided to go away I chose to only go for five days and four nights. I knew Raven had separation anxiety, so I wanted to see how she would do with V while I was gone. Being away from her for long periods wasn't all that easy for me either. I missed her a lot! Raven did great, but I will never forget the look of surprise and happiness on her face when I returned. She also talked her face off and stuck to me like glue for two days. That pattern continued every time I went away and returned. Raven definitely wasn't completely miserable while I was gone either. She had a lot of fun, massages, cuddles, hall time and love. We'll get more into that throughout the posts about their bond. It's not like V just came in, fed her and left. She made sure to spend some time with Raven - just like I did with J & C. I never went in, walked and fed them and then left. We had our routines just like Raven and V did. The furkids all came to expect their routines from both of us.
Raven quickly learned what it meant when I got the suitcase out. The below photos are from packing for various trips over the last three years.
I was always sent pictures of Raven while I was gone. They will be posted in continuations of this story. The below picture was from the first time I left her.
V didn't have a lot of experience with cats before bonding with Raven. At least no experience with cats that have as large of a personality as Raven had. Whenever V was over for movie & wine nights or any other reason to hang out, Raven used to sit between us, but always closer to V and of course she always had to be touching V. She used to test Raven's patience and tolerance by poking at her, gently squeezing her etc., but of course Raven put up with anything from the ones she loved. It was very hard to piss Raven off. I used to stand over her with my legs spread, lift her up so she was standing and kiss her head like crazy. I thought for sure that would drive her crazy, but Raven loved it! She would lift her head back up to be kissed and then when I put her down, she would turn around, walk through my legs and come back for more. She was such a happy girl! Just looking at Raven would make her purr loudly. I used to tell V not to do to other cats what she can do to Raven because it likely wouldn't be received well by most. It could lead to hissing, scratching or biting. I think even V holds other cats to Raven's high standard. It's hard not to and not too many cats compare to her large personality.
There is just so much I want to get into with their story. I will end part one here, but this is to be continued with plenty more to come.
*For the beginning of the story, see November 2014*
*Disclaimer - I do not proof-read anything I write, so if there are typos, please excuse them.
The story and bond between Raven and V needs to be broken up into more than one post mainly because their bond was incredible to watch blossom over the years, there's a lot to tell and V was the one who took most of the great pictures of Raven over the years, so there will be a lot of pictures to go with these stories. I've mentioned before that up until the last few years, it was difficult to get a good picture of Raven without her showing up as a black blob. V was no exception in having those issues in the beginning, but once she was able to start capturing Raven and have her show up in the picture, there was no stopping her. V took amazing shots of Raven that I will cherish forever. The introduction picture on this post is just one of the many beautiful shots she captured of Raven. Admittedly, I wasn't great at taking pictures of Raven. Billy once said something to me along the lines of, "It's because you're trying to force it and V just lets the picture happen". Fair enough and likely true.
I've been putting off starting this post because I know it is going to be emotional and somewhat painful for me at times. V was undoubtedly the other one of Raven's favorite humans and I would say as much as Auntie Billy but with so many differences between the two bonds. Another reason I have been putting this off is because I really want to capture and remember as much as possible about them to be able to bring their story to the light that it deserves.
V is a friend of mine that used to live right next door. It's times like this where I miss her being right next door the most. V had two German Shepherds, a female with a name beginning with a J, and a male with a name beginning with a C. I looked after them and V looked after Raven. We had a pretty good system. I basically used to just group the three of them together as the furkids. Raven had V wrapped around her paw and J had me wrapped around her paw. I had a bond with both dogs, but J and I were especially bonded. While I admitted she had me wrapped around her paw, to this day V still won't admit Raven had her wrapped around her paw. I intend to prove otherwise. One of the reasons I am struggling with her not being right next door is because seeing and/or taking care of the dogs was a sense of normalcy. It would certainly help provide a good, brief distraction during this horrible time.
As life would have it, J passed away on October 1, 2014 and even though she wasn't my dog, her leaving this world hit me pretty hard. There was a part of me that was still mourning that loss when Raven died and is still mourning that loss today. I can't explain it, but we were connected and her passing hurt. RIP J, I hope that even though you and Raven were not friends here in the physical world, that you are together and friends wherever you are! That you are both still with V, C and I, watching over us and knowing how much you're missed and loved. I would have no doubt that Raven would visit V and Auntie Billy if that is possible. The difference between Raven and J's passing is that we knew J was sick and it was a bit sudden because we thought she had a bit longer to live, but I actually started mourning her as soon as I found out about it a couple of months prior. I didn't have that option with Raven because I basically contributed to her death. Raven and J were close in age. Only 6 months apart. I used to joke that they went through a lot of same things together as far as aging pets goes. I never in a million years thought they would die a month and a half apart.
Raven was not friends with the dogs, but they all knew each other's scents. In fact, C was absolutely in love with Raven. The love was not reciprocated by Raven. I don't remember how it even started, but I do know his obsession increased over time. Every time he saw her in the hall when he was about to go for a walk, his eyes would light up with love. When I would go over to take care of them, he would smell my shoes and get this look of love that seemed to say "*Swoon* I smell her. When the dogs were on the balcony, they would usually stand up and say hi to me, except C had a different agenda. He would be trying to look in my door looking for Raven. When I would bring her out on the balcony for him to see her, that made his day. Unfortunately for him, she wasn't interested in being friends. As shown below, Raven wasn't even looking at him. In the second picture, it looks like she is looking at her V, who was taking the picture. Excuse my bedhead. I think I had just woke up.
I don't remember when their bond started, but I know it intensified when I started to go away in 2011 and continued to grow each time I went away. I would go for 8 days twice a year. When V moved last May, I was worried about who could look after Raven if I went away again. Raven and V not only had their routines, but not only was V the only one I would trust 100% to look after her, I think Raven felt the same way. Plus, V was there every step of the way when Raven got sick in 2012, so she knew what to look for and what to do if something went wrong while I was gone. That would have been hard to do with someone else. I guess if everything happens for a reason, I don't need to worry about who would look after Raven if I go away. The issue never came up due to Raven passing 6 months later and I don't intend on going anywhere any time soon.
When I first decided to go away I chose to only go for five days and four nights. I knew Raven had separation anxiety, so I wanted to see how she would do with V while I was gone. Being away from her for long periods wasn't all that easy for me either. I missed her a lot! Raven did great, but I will never forget the look of surprise and happiness on her face when I returned. She also talked her face off and stuck to me like glue for two days. That pattern continued every time I went away and returned. Raven definitely wasn't completely miserable while I was gone either. She had a lot of fun, massages, cuddles, hall time and love. We'll get more into that throughout the posts about their bond. It's not like V just came in, fed her and left. She made sure to spend some time with Raven - just like I did with J & C. I never went in, walked and fed them and then left. We had our routines just like Raven and V did. The furkids all came to expect their routines from both of us.
Raven quickly learned what it meant when I got the suitcase out. The below photos are from packing for various trips over the last three years.
 |
| Trying to open it |
 |
| Getting there |
 |
| Success! |
 |
| I love the look on her face here |
V didn't have a lot of experience with cats before bonding with Raven. At least no experience with cats that have as large of a personality as Raven had. Whenever V was over for movie & wine nights or any other reason to hang out, Raven used to sit between us, but always closer to V and of course she always had to be touching V. She used to test Raven's patience and tolerance by poking at her, gently squeezing her etc., but of course Raven put up with anything from the ones she loved. It was very hard to piss Raven off. I used to stand over her with my legs spread, lift her up so she was standing and kiss her head like crazy. I thought for sure that would drive her crazy, but Raven loved it! She would lift her head back up to be kissed and then when I put her down, she would turn around, walk through my legs and come back for more. She was such a happy girl! Just looking at Raven would make her purr loudly. I used to tell V not to do to other cats what she can do to Raven because it likely wouldn't be received well by most. It could lead to hissing, scratching or biting. I think even V holds other cats to Raven's high standard. It's hard not to and not too many cats compare to her large personality.
There is just so much I want to get into with their story. I will end part one here, but this is to be continued with plenty more to come.
*For the beginning of the story, see November 2014*
*Disclaimer - I do not proof-read anything I write, so if there are typos, please excuse them.
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