Raven's Story - Happy Birthday, Raven!

Raven's Story - In Loving Memory

This was taken on her birthday last year

February 16, 2005-November 19, 2014

Happy Birthday, Raven! Today would have been Raven's 10th birthday, so emotionally it's not a good day for me.  I really do seem to miss her more everyday. I can't shake feeling guilty and that she should still be here with me. I don't know if she hears me or not, but I do say, "kissy face, Raven" and
"I miss you and love you" daily, just in case she is actually around somewhere and can hear me. I don't know how long I will continue to do that daily, but right now it's something I feel I have to do.  I still miss those kissy faces so much. It's not something I can teach to Luna because as mentioned before, it's something Raven did from the beginning and all I did was teach her a phrase to go with the action. Plus, it was Raven's thing.

I took the two below pictures on her birthday last year as well.

I finally received her paw prints last Wednesday, which marked 12 weeks that she died. They also sent me a lock of her hair. Of course the arrival of this package brought on a fresh breakdown. While I do still cry at least once a day because I miss her, the paw prints and lock of hair created uncontrollable sobbing. I still don't know if I am going to put her paw print with the other three prints of Trixie, Ashley and Soleil, or if I am going to put it in her shadow box when that gets done. The lock of hair surprised me. I remember the Internal Medicine Specialist saying something about her hair, but I don't remember any decision about keeping a lock of her hair.  

Raven's paw prints

Raven's lock of hair

Even though it's been almost five weeks that I have had Luna, it still feels a bit strange and foreign to me.  Don't get me wrong, I love her more than I thought possible, especially considering the deep level of grief I am still experiencing.  Having her just feels a bit strange sometimes. I wouldn't say it feels wrong, just weird. I'm sure it will get easier as time passes and we establish our own routines.  While Luna is extremely loving and snuggly, I miss my snuggle bunny Raven so much. 

Lately I have been thinking about and missing how Raven used to basically rearrange items in the apartment and how she used to seem to love to scare the crap out of herself. Whenever I would print something, she would come running to the printer and try and stick her head in where the paper came out, but she would constantly jump back from being startled. Raven would also come in the bathroom when I was in there and startle herself with the shower curtain. That one is hard to explain, but she would stick her head underneath between the two curtains and then jump back in a startled manner.  It's like she loved to scare the crap out of herself. The result was always the same.

As far as moving things around, it started fairly young. She used to jump up in the linen closet and knock the amount of towels down that she wanted gone in order to be comfortable.  See pictures below.  Occasionally she would bring her toy (the one and only ball) up there with her and forget that's where she left it, which would lead to a meltdown because she couldn't find it.

I have this cat tent, and the only one who really seemed to enjoy it was Ashley. I think she would go in there to get away with Raven. Sometimes Raven would try and play attack Ashley from the outside of the tent, but would never dare go in and try anything while Ashley was in there.  One night I came out to the living room to find that Raven decided to move the tent to the other side of the room. I didn't hear any commotion as she was doing this, so I am not sure how long it took her. The first picture is just a random one of her sitting behind the tent, hiding as if I can't see her? Not sure! However, the other two are where the tent normally sits and where Raven moved it to.

Where the tent normally sits

Where Raven decided she wanted it

It was a one time occurrence, but still pretty funny.

There was another time where she decided she wanted a blanked that was piled under my dolphin pillow pet and a sheet that is kept beside the couch.  My smart girl moved everything to pull the blanket out.  Raven pulled it off of the Wii board on the the floor where she wanted it.  Of course that was after knocking the pillow over and pulling it out from under the sheet.

I just miss her so much and I wish the grieving would stop hurting so badly.  I miss how she would purr the minute you would look at her. Raven was such a relaxed, trusting and happy girl!  I just don't know how to get over this loss.

Happy Birthday, Raven!!!! 

*For the beginning of the story, see November 2014*

*Disclaimer - I do not proof-read anything I write, so if there are typos, please excuse them

Raven's Story - 11 Weeks and the Loss Still Hurts!

Raven's Story - In Loving Memory

Oh that face!

It's been 11 weeks since I had to say good bye to Raven and it's still very painful. I've mentioned that I feel she was too young and it was a complete shock the way it all happened, especially considering she was an indoor cat. Between the circumstances surrounding losing her, the guilt I feel, the fact that some other major losses happened at the exact same time and of course how close and bonded I was to her - I am definitely still grieving deeply.  I am learning that it is okay that I am still hurting. This was a tough loss to bear and still is.  Some understand and some don't.  The grieving process doesn't change because she was a "pet".  There is no law or rule that says pain is less or your length of grief is less because she was a "pet".  In some people's cases, and certainly in this one, I am grieving harder than I have for any human thus far.

The below info is from a site with information about pet loss grieving, but a lot of the sites on Pet Grieving say the same thing. I should not feel guilty, stupid or like something is wrong with me because I am still grieving so badly. I only pasted some of the information, so if you want to read the whole article it's here - http://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief-loss/coping-with-pet-loss.htm I also have a link for a pet loss website on my links on the side.

• The grieving process happens only gradually. It can’t be forced or hurried—and there is no “normal” timetable for grieving. Some people start to feel better in weeks or months. For others, the grieving process is measured in years. Whatever your grief experience, it’s important to be patient with yourself and allow the process to naturally unfold.
• Feeling sad, frightened, or lonely is a normal reaction to the loss of a beloved pet.Exhibiting these feelings doesn’t mean you are weak, so you shouldn’t feel ashamed.
• Trying to ignore your pain or keep it from surfacing will only make it worse in the long run. For real healing, it is necessary to face your grief and actively deal with it. By expressing your grief, you’ll likely need less time to heal than if you withhold or “bottle up” your feelings. Write about your feelings and talk with others about them.

Dealing with the loss of a pet when others devalue your loss

One aspect that can make grieving for the loss of a pet so difficult is that pet loss is not appreciated by everyone. Friends and family may ask “What’s the big deal? It’s just a pet!” Some people assume that pet loss shouldn’t hurt as much as human loss, or that it is somehow inappropriate to grieve for an animal. They may not understand because they don’t have a pet of their own, or because they are unable to appreciate the companionship and love that a pet can provide.

• Don’t argue with others about whether your grief is appropriate or not.
• Accept the fact that the best support for your grief may come from outside your usual circle of friends and family members.
• Seek out others who have lost pets; those who can appreciate the magnitude of your loss, and may be able to suggest ways of getting through the grieving process.

Tips for coping with the grief of pet loss

Sorrow and grief are normal and natural responses to death. Like grief for humans, grief for animal companions can only be dealt with over time, but there are healthy ways to cope with the pain. Here are some suggestions:

• Don’t let anyone tell you how to feel, and don’t tell yourself how to feel either. Your grief is your own, and no one else can tell you when it’s time to “move on” or “get over it.” Let yourself feel whatever you feel without embarrassment or judgment. It’s okay to be angry, to cry or not to cry. It’s also okay to laugh, to find moments of joy, and to let go when you’re ready.
• Reach out to others who have lost pets. Check out online message boards, pet loss hotlines, and pet loss support groups. If your own friends, family members, therapist, or clergy do not work well with the grief of pet loss, find someone who does.
• Rituals can help healing. A funeral can help you and your family members openly express your feelings. Ignore people who think it’s inappropriate to hold a funeral for a pet, and do what feels right for you.
• Create a legacy. Preparing a memorial, planting a tree in memory of your pet, compiling a photo album or scrapbook, or otherwise sharing the memories you enjoyed with your pet, can create a legacy to celebrate the life of your animal companion.
• Look after yourself. The stress of losing a pet can quickly deplete your energy and emotional reserves. Looking after your physical and emotional needs will help you get through this difficult time. Eat a healthy diet, get plenty of sleep, and exercise regularly to release endorphins and help boost your mood.
• If you have other pets, try to maintain your normal routine. Surviving pets can also experience loss when a pet dies, or they may become distressed by your sorrow. Maintaining their daily routines, or even increasing exercise and play times, will not only benefit the surviving pets but may also help to elevate your outlook too.

I recently found another powerful article that I have had for a long time. It's called, "A Pet’s Ten Commandments" by Stan Rawlinson.  I definitely follow these faithfully.  For those who haven't read it before, I will post it here.

A Pet’s Ten Commandments by Stan Rawlinson

1. My life is likely to last 10-15 years. Any separation from you is likely to be painful.

2. Give me time to understand what you want of me.

3. Place your trust in me. It is crucial for my well-being.

4. Don’t be angry with me for long and don’t lock me up as punishment. You have your work, your friends, your entertainments, but I have only you.

5. Talk to me. Even if I don’t understand your words, I do understand your voice when speaking to me.

6. Be aware that however you treat me, I will never forget it.

7. Before you hit me, before you strike me, remember that I could hurt you, and yet, I choose not to bite you.

8. Before you scold me for being lazy or uncooperative, ask yourself if something might be bothering me. Perhaps I’m not getting the right food, I have been in the sun too long, or my heart might be getting old or weak.

9. Please take care of me when I grow old. You too, will grow old.

10. On the ultimate difficult journey, go with me please. Never say you can’t bear to watch. Don’t make me face this alone. Everything is easier for me if you are there, because I love you so.

My hope is that somehow/someway, whether it be now or years from now, that this blog will help people in many ways.  In my quest to do things better for Luna, especially in the dry food and carbohydrate department (meaning absolutely no dry food in her diet and low carbohydrate wet food), I continue to come across websites that are not only credible because they are put together by legitimate and credible DVM's, but are full of information that is just not mainstream among all DVM's and it should be! I get that like MD's, DVM's have their hands full, so that makes it hard to keep up, but this information could go so far!  I added another helpful link about pet food. Please take the time to look at it along with catinfo.org.  The new link is http://truthaboutpetfood.com/  

There is a fantastic organization that I would like to help as much as possible. I am adding the link to the links section as well. It's where I got Luna from. The group is called Pantry Four Paws. What makes them unique is that in addition to being a rescue group, they are also a Pet Food Bank. Please check them out and do what you can to help. Once I am back to working, I plan to donate money. Fostering is not something I could ever do emotionally, but I admire each and every individual who has the intestinal fortitude to foster animals. I would turn into an animal hoarder in a matter of days if I ever tried to foster. I would get way too attached to each and every animal I fostered. Again, the link has been added, but please check out http://www.pantryfourpaws.ca/ - They are on Facebook as well. Amazing group of people!

There is so much that I miss about Raven. A big part of me went with her on November 19th, 2014. It's the circumstances that made everything feel so much worse.  I still cry at least once a day, sometimes more.  Even though some believe otherwise, it is okay to still be grieving and there is no set time. Love and a true bond, whether it be animal or human, makes no difference in the grieving process.  Raven really was above and beyond as far as cats go and I have had some very different and special cats.  There is a lot to miss. All I can do is take it one day at a time. I have enough guilt with the circumstances surrounding Raven's death, I don't need to feel guilt as to how long it takes me in the grieving process.  Grief has no timeline whether it's for a human or animal and don't let anyone tell you it does.

That's all for this post. My plan was to bring up more memories, but this one is getting long as it is, so I will leave it for the next post.

*For the beginning of the story, see November 2014*

*Disclaimer - I do not proof-read anything I write, so if there are typos, please excuse them